This weekend, the first of my summer (officially speaking), has been about learning. In this mini-break of summer – I start teaching summer school on Friday – I’m learning how to let go and relax and just let myself be. I do well with structure and to-do lists, and thrive on busy-ness. One full year after completing the PhD, I still don’t quite know how to allow myself the feeling that I don’t have to work right now. Because I’m very good at working. I could spend hours lesson planning and getting things done so that won’t have to do them later, looking forward at the long view but never quite remembering that if I spend all of now working, even when I get a week or two weeks into the future I’ll still have many other things to do.
So today, I made a to-do list and promptly rearranged it after lunch. I started off saying I’d put the laundry away and clean the bedroom, then go to Zumba and yoga, then clean some more, read, write, watch Sherlock – in that order.
Instead, I did my fitness classes and put the laundry away, then promptly gave up the rest of the cleaning in favor of a bit of Benedict Cumberbatch. And a nap an hour into the episode. It’s 6 pm and the cleaning’s undone, but I’ve enjoyed my Sherlock and finally finished the fourth book in George R.R. Martin’s Song of Fire and Ice cycle.
Finally, I should say: it’s been sitting on my bedside table for almost a year.